justdidntseeit | [[ milliways, upstairs ]]

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[[ milliways, upstairs ]]

[ "three days." ]

Kate's asleep on her side in Boo's too-small bed, neck bent at an awkward angle. One arm is draped around Boo's snoring form, and the fingers of her free hand are still loosely curled around a dog-eared paperback on the pink comforter. An impressive assortment of Boo's books litter the floor, and a small stack is perched precariously between the edge of the mattress and Kate's heel.

She hasn't been sleeping long, her breathing still shallow and features not as relaxed as they could be.

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A concrete block forms in her stomach.

Stepping out of Boo's room, she turns to face him, all traces of tiredness replaced by sharp concern.

He closes the door, but still keeps his voice low.

"I gotta tell you somethin', Kate, but I don't want you t'get upset or worried. I promise, it's gonna be alright."

"Bill, when you preface it like that ... "

She shakes her head, searching his features.

"M'sorry, I just -- "

I don't want you to worry, or another fight.

He shakes his head and takes a slow breath.

"I talked to Ramon."

It's less of a surprise than it should be; she knows it's only been a matter of when, not if, these past few weeks.

So she swallows and keeps her voice steady, even though she feels anything but.

"How'd it go?"

"He didn't shoot me."

It's a terrible attempt at humor, and his try at a smile gets no where, but anxiety is knotted tight in his chest and gut and he's having trouble handling it.

Giving her an apologetic look his eyes drop to his hands.

"He wants his gun. Gave me three days t'get it back to him."

"Honey -- "

The syllables catch in her too-tight throat like shards of glass and she closes her eyes at the unfunny joke.

focus, don't get upset, it won't help anything right now

A breath.

"Three days."

A nod.

"Okay."

"M'sorry."

He's silent a long minute before quietly clearing his throat.

"I'm not gonna give it to him."

She's very, very still.

Looking at her, everything that's already tight inside twists even more.

"He's tryin' to intimidate me. If I give him what he wants, s'just gonna give him even more control over the situation. An' me."

"Then I'll do it."

His eyes widen and his heart leaps with surprise and panic.

"No."

Pushing down anxiety, his eyes narrow and his jaw sets firm.

"No."

She wraps her arms around herself, simultaneously hot and cold in her lavender cotton camisole.

"Neither of us wants to find out what happens if he doesn't get it back. So if you don't, I will."

"No."

His voice is louder and he turns away from her to move farther from Boo's door.

"You let me handle this. I don't want you havin' anything t'do with him.

"Givin' that gun back ain't gonna do me any good."

"Neither will keeping it."

She moves closer to the kitchen so they won't wake Boo.

"He's an arms dealer, Bill, it's not like he doesn't have access to more."

"I know that, an' it ain't the point."

He steps into the kitchen and pulls out a chair, but doesn't sit.

"You think if I give him the gun back he's just gonna forget what happened an' let me an' Katherine alone?"

"No."

God, she doesn't want to do this -- they're both tired, so worn from nonstop stress -- but she can't keep from arguing.

Because she loves him, and because she's terrified.

"I think he's a man who shot his own brother and called it a business decision. And if you keep his gun, you'll give him an excuse to do the same to you."

"He's already got an' excuse, Kate."

His hand tightens on the back of the chair as fear stirs up in his belly.

"If I do what he wants, it just tells him I'm an' easier target than he already thinks I am."

Her eyes fall to his hand, tracing his knuckles.

God, how did we get here?

"Then don't be a target."

She lifts her eyes.

"You go back to Wheelsy for a little while, and I'll give him the gun."

"I'm not leavin' you an' Boo."

He's not going to risk something happening again because he isn't there.

"Bill ... "

Biting the inside of her cheek, she gathers her hair into a fist at her nape.

"Don't do this."

Her voice nearly cracks.

"Don't be stubborn. He's dangerous -- "

"I'm not bein' stubborn, I -- "

I'm in over my head, an' I don't know what t'do.

Anger flares, but it's mostly an attempt to cover the fear and self-doubt he's feeling.

His mouth shuts and he turns his head away from her, trying to pull it all back in.

"I can't leave you two, an' I can't leave Katherine to handle him alone, either."

"This isn't your fight. God, you walked into the middle of the fucking O.K. Corral -- "

Her mouth snaps shut and she presses her lips together, taking a deep breath through her nose.

"Boo and I will be fine. Katherine's an outlaw now, and Doc's here to help. I can't -- "

Another steadying breath.

"I can't see you get hurt again because your heart's bigger than your brain."

Her words suprise him, and they sting. He bites back the angry reply and the argument and he stares at her.

He knows she has the right to be upset and worried, but saying he's not smart enough to know what's best for him...

He doesn't know what to say. He doesn't want to back down, but if he doesn't give at all this is just going to be another argument in circles that gets them no where. He's tired of those and she has to be, too.

"I'll give the gun back."

He lets go of the chairback, hands falling to his sides as he straightens up.

"But, I'm not leavin'."

The hurt in his eyes makes her ache, and she wants to stuff the words back in her mouth.

"Bill, I -- I didn't mean ... "

Her anger's gone, replaced by regret and defeat -- this isn't a victory, because no one wins here.

She steps closer, placing a hand lightly on his elbow.

"You put yourself on the line for everybody you care about, and it scares me."

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