justdidntseeit | [[ milliways, upstairs ]]

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[[ milliways, upstairs ]]

[ "three days." ]

Kate's asleep on her side in Boo's too-small bed, neck bent at an awkward angle. One arm is draped around Boo's snoring form, and the fingers of her free hand are still loosely curled around a dog-eared paperback on the pink comforter. An impressive assortment of Boo's books litter the floor, and a small stack is perched precariously between the edge of the mattress and Kate's heel.

She hasn't been sleeping long, her breathing still shallow and features not as relaxed as they could be.

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"No."

God, she doesn't want to do this -- they're both tired, so worn from nonstop stress -- but she can't keep from arguing.

Because she loves him, and because she's terrified.

"I think he's a man who shot his own brother and called it a business decision. And if you keep his gun, you'll give him an excuse to do the same to you."

"He's already got an' excuse, Kate."

His hand tightens on the back of the chair as fear stirs up in his belly.

"If I do what he wants, it just tells him I'm an' easier target than he already thinks I am."

Her eyes fall to his hand, tracing his knuckles.

God, how did we get here?

"Then don't be a target."

She lifts her eyes.

"You go back to Wheelsy for a little while, and I'll give him the gun."

"I'm not leavin' you an' Boo."

He's not going to risk something happening again because he isn't there.

"Bill ... "

Biting the inside of her cheek, she gathers her hair into a fist at her nape.

"Don't do this."

Her voice nearly cracks.

"Don't be stubborn. He's dangerous -- "

"I'm not bein' stubborn, I -- "

I'm in over my head, an' I don't know what t'do.

Anger flares, but it's mostly an attempt to cover the fear and self-doubt he's feeling.

His mouth shuts and he turns his head away from her, trying to pull it all back in.

"I can't leave you two, an' I can't leave Katherine to handle him alone, either."

"This isn't your fight. God, you walked into the middle of the fucking O.K. Corral -- "

Her mouth snaps shut and she presses her lips together, taking a deep breath through her nose.

"Boo and I will be fine. Katherine's an outlaw now, and Doc's here to help. I can't -- "

Another steadying breath.

"I can't see you get hurt again because your heart's bigger than your brain."

Her words suprise him, and they sting. He bites back the angry reply and the argument and he stares at her.

He knows she has the right to be upset and worried, but saying he's not smart enough to know what's best for him...

He doesn't know what to say. He doesn't want to back down, but if he doesn't give at all this is just going to be another argument in circles that gets them no where. He's tired of those and she has to be, too.

"I'll give the gun back."

He lets go of the chairback, hands falling to his sides as he straightens up.

"But, I'm not leavin'."

The hurt in his eyes makes her ache, and she wants to stuff the words back in her mouth.

"Bill, I -- I didn't mean ... "

Her anger's gone, replaced by regret and defeat -- this isn't a victory, because no one wins here.

She steps closer, placing a hand lightly on his elbow.

"You put yourself on the line for everybody you care about, and it scares me."

"Should I have just walked away, Kate?"

He looks down at her hand on his arm, wishing there was an easy solution to this and every other problem they're facing.

"I'm sorry, but I promise it's gonna be alright. I know I haven't been good at keepin' my word, an' it don't seem like this is somethin' I can handle, but I'll make this right. Somehow I'll fix it."

She doesn't answer the question; she can't, because as much as the selfish part of her wants to say yes, they both know he couldn't've walked away.

(She wouldn't've, either, if their situations were reversed.)

"Sweetheart."

Her fingers slip to his wrist, brushing the heel of his hand.

"This isn't about your word or how much you can or can't handle."

Her voice is soft but steady; she needs him to understand.

"This is about how you're not like him -- you're nothing like him. You're a good man."

The backs of her eyes begin to burn.

"And he'll take advantage of that."

"He'll try."

Bill doesn't know how, he can't think like Ramon or imagine the things the man might do, but he knows enough to be wary.

"Yeah."

She looks down and curls her fingers around his.

Their hands are underwater; her jaw tenses as she closes her eyes.

He gives her hand a light squeeze, then turns and wraps his arm around her, pulling her against his chest.

I'm so sorry, Kate.

She leans into the solid warmth of his torso, tucking her head beneath his chin.

She can't breathe, eyes and nose and throat burning with the tears she's holding back.

"Let me."

She wraps an arm around his waist while her free hand rests flat against his chest.

"Let me do it, please."

His throat constricts and he holds her little tighter.

"Kate, I can't. I won't let you take a risk like that."

"Yes, you can."

She nods against his neck and swallows hard.

"It's not a risk because he doesn't have anything against me."

"No, Kate. He's got no problem with you, an' we gotta keep it that way."

His hand moves to her cheek and he brushes a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

"You gotta stay away from him. He can't find out that you an' I are together."

"He won't know," she says, the side of her throat tingling from his gentle touch.

"I'll tell him it's a favor to Katherine or something. We'll figure it out."

He pulls back and looks down at her.

"No. I'm not lettin' you do this. You stay away from him, there's no tellin' what he might get in his head t'do. I'll get the gun back to him, you just-- just stay out of it. Please."

His features are firm and there's no way he's changing his mind or compromising on this. He won't put her in danger or expose her to that man again.

You can't stop me.

She bites the inside of her cheek, dropping her eyes to one of the buttons on his shirt.

She knows the gun is somewhere in his room -- in the closet or a dresser drawer, maybe.

She circles a button with the pad of her thumb.

"Okay."

He studies her, and for a moment he's not sure she means it.

Pushing aside that doubt he pulls her close again.

"Okay. I just want you safe, Kate. I'll take care of this, an' I'll be careful."

He plants a light kiss against her hair, and pulls in a slow breath.

Ignoring the twist in her stomach, she nods against his collarbone before lifting her head to look at him.

"I want you safe, sheriff."

Rising on her bare toes, she presses a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

"I know. It's gonna be alright."

He looks down at her when she looks at him and he can see the concern and tears behind her eyes. He's promised her things are going to be okay so many times now, he wouldn't blame her for not believing him.

"I got three days to get it to him, so don't -- let's not worry 'bout it now."

She can't help a chuckle -- soft and humorless, but not unkind.

"I always worry," she says gently, stroking his cheek with the backs of her fingers.

"It's because I like you so much."

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