[[ france ]]

[justdidntseeit]

[ "about last night ... " ]

Kate wakes early -- too early, judging by the near-darkness of the bedroom.

After a few minutes, when it's annoyingly apparent she won't be drifting back to sleep, she presses a soft kiss to Bill's cheek and murmurs near his ear when he stirs.

Easing out of bed, she pulls on a pair of sweats and tugs on a couple of layers; she wants to keep warm during her jog.

After checking to make sure Boo's still sleeping soundly across the hall, she slips downstairs to make fresh coffee for Beckett and Bill before her morning run.

Comments

[fanofthegenre]

Beckett's already been awake - a good number of hours, now, judging by the sweaty condition she's in as she does a few stretches outside the house. She hadn't been able to sleep much at all last night, really, even though there'd been something soothing about being able to hear Kate and Bill talking from her room.

She hadn't been able to make out anything in particular, other than the soft lilt of Kate's voice followed by the lazy rumble of Bill's, but after their conversation had died down, all she'd been able to do was toss and turn. By the time the clock hit A.M. time, she was already up and dressed for a run of her own.

She tiptoes into the kitchen - a little tough to do in sneakers, admittedly - and almost has a heart-attack when she runs full-on into Kate in the semi-darkness.

"Holy - God, I didn't know anyone else was up."

[justdidntseeit]

Kate sucks in a quick breath, fight-or-flight ripping through her nervous system.

"Hey."

Her fingers slowly uncurl from Beckett's forearms and she releases a soft, shaky chuckle.

"Morning. Sorry, I -- I thought you were still in bed."

[fanofthegenre]

"Yeah. Couldn't sleep," she admits.

Her own hands are just underneath Kate's forearms, touch light and reassuring.

"You making coffee?"

She can hear the maker hiss and spurt as the water starts to filter through.

[justdidntseeit]

"Yeah."

She tips her head toward the counter, where two empty cups are waiting beside the pot.

"I just put it on for you and Bill, in case you guys were up before I got back."

With a quick, small smile, she takes a step backward and runs unsteady fingers through her ponytail.

[fanofthegenre]

"Thanks."

She's still a little damp; there's a towel resting on the counter that she'd left for herself earlier, and she uses it to dab at her face and the back of her neck.

"Where were you planning on going?"

[justdidntseeit]

"Just a short run -- down to the beach a little ways and back."

She glances at Beckett, half-sick with certainty Beckett's been berating herself for what happened after the poker game.

"How long've you been up?"

[fanofthegenre]

"What time is it now?"

A quick glance toward the clock - she's only been out for an hour, running, but truthfully, she's been up longer than that.

"Not that long," she lies.

[justdidntseeit]

She bites the inside of her cheek, hesitating.

"Kate, was it -- what happened, is that what kept you from sleeping?"

Or, she belatedly realizes, maybe the walls in Demeter's house are thinner than she knows.

[fanofthegenre]

The coffee's finished brewing by now; she crosses to the other side of the counter to pour herself a cup, back turned to Kate for a moment.

"Nothing in particular," she says - which is the truth, she hadn't been able to put a face on her insomnia.

"It happens from time to time," Beckett adds, lifting the mug to her lips.

[justdidntseeit]

"Yeah," Kate says quietly, glancing down and away for a moment.

She's seen firsthand how fitful Bill's sleep can be; she thinks it's probably par for the course in law enforcement.

[fanofthegenre]

Restless mind, late nights: it all contributes to a profound lack of sleep, most of the time.

Beckett turns around just in time to witness Kate's expression.

"Hey."

She sets the mug down, touching the outside of Kate's hand with still-warm fingers.

"You alright?"

[justdidntseeit]

Kate's eyes slide to their hands before she meets Beckett's eyes again.

"Yeah, I -- "

Another brief smile, tinged with something close to sadness.

"Just wondering if it's a cop thing, the sleeping problems."

[fanofthegenre]

"Maybe?"

She leans back against the counter, reaching for her coffee again, and crosses her legs at the ankle.

"Sometimes it's harder, especially after a difficult case. Especially seeing things that would keep any civilian up for weeks."

[justdidntseeit]

She nods, forcing away memories of that blood-spattered bathroom and the phantom weight of a gun in her sweat-slick hands.

"What you do ... I know it can't be easy."

Not in the moment or after the fact.

[fanofthegenre]

"It rarely is," she murmurs, and for a moment, she's lost in her thoughts.

It only lasts that long before she's back again.

"But it's work worth doing."

[justdidntseeit]

She nods and steps closer, reaching for the cup she'd set out for Bill.

Her fingers curl around the handle, and a tiny, humorless smile quirks the corners of her mouth.

"You and Bill and Jack could start a club."

[fanofthegenre]

Beckett does grin at that - small, sincere.

"How did you meet him? Jack, I mean."

[justdidntseeit]

Lifting the coffee pot, she wills her hand not to freeze.

She licks her lips and concentrates on pouring without splashing any of the dark liquid on the spotless counter.

"We met through CTU. There was a nuclear bomb in L.A., and Jack was leading the search for it."

[fanofthegenre]

"Oh."

Jack had alluded to as much in one of their earlier conversations: meeting through CTU was something he wouldn't wish on anyone, as far as she'd gathered.

And to think that Kate had - she grips her own mug a little tighter.

"Did you - did something happen?"

[justdidntseeit]

"Yeah, something -- something happened."

A hard swallow, and she forces herself to look over, shame and guilt washing through her as she studies Beckett's profile.

"My sister was involved. She, um -- "

This should be easier, she thinks. She's sat through hours of debriefings with CTU agents, she's endured Warner International press conferences, and she's talked with Bill about this. It should be easier, but part of her knows it never will be.

"She was part of the terrorist group that brought the bomb into the country."

[fanofthegenre]

"Oh, my God."

She holds a hand out, then pauses, fingers curling in against her palm before she brings her knuckles to her mouth.

"Is she - I mean, did they - ?"

[justdidntseeit]

"No," she says quickly, shaking her head. "No, Jack -- they found it in time."

Without a second to spare.

"It couldn't be disarmed, so a pilot flew it out to the Mojave. It went off in the desert."

A breath.

"Marie's still being held at Miramar in San Diego, waiting to be arraigned."

[fanofthegenre]

"I'm sorry," is all Beckett can manage.

"Kate, I'm so sorry."

[justdidntseeit]

"No, it's -- "

(but it's not okay, it's so far from okay, and all she's done is avoid what's waiting at home for more than a year now)

She shakes her head again, focusing on the warm ceramic between her palms.

"It's not something you have to say you're sorry for. It's not your fault."

[fanofthegenre]

It's not something she has to say, but what else can she say?

It's already happened, and apologizing won't make up for that. And from the sounds of it, nothing will. Not really.

But the least Beckett can do is to be there - for Kate, for her peace of mind, for forcing her to relive it all. She reaches out, placing another hand on Kate's wrist, and then gives a gentle tug.

"C'mere."

Pushing whatever else she might be feeling at having Kate so close away, she pulls the other woman into a hug.