[[ france ]]

[justdidntseeit]

[ every alcohol-soaked night has a morning after ]

Kate flicks off the lamp and slips into bed next to Bill, her eyes slowly adjusting to the faint light from the crescent moon filtering through the window.

She can't keep still-frames of the night before from flashing through her mind -- of Bill, of Beckett, of herself, together in a tangle of sweat-slick skin and limbs and lips and tongues and teeth; she's been seeing snapshots all day, a mental slideshow she can't turn off.

Despite how well the morning after went, Kate knows she and Bill need to talk.

But, rolling onto her side to face him, she can't bring herself to say we need to talk.

(For one, it's cliché.)

(For another, she can't.)

Comments

[wheelsy_sheriff]

Last night has been running through his head all day. Images of Kate and Beckett and the three of them together, keep entering his thoughts and he doesn't know if he should feel guilty about it or not, but whatever he does, nothing seems to keep them at bay for long.

Laying in bed waiting on Kate he knows they need to talk, but he doesn't know where to start or what to say. When she lays down anxiety rises high in his throat and he can't find his voice for a minute.

When he does she's looking at him and all he can do is smile and give her a soft, "Hey."

It's a start. Of sorts.

[justdidntseeit]

"Hi."

She trails a hand down his forearm, her fingers finding his.

"Bill -- "

A breath.

"About last night ... "

[wheelsy_sheriff]

"I'm sorry."

It comes out when she trails off, part reflex, part panic from guilt and nerves. His eyes widen a moment later and he starts shaking his head.

"I mean-- Kate, last night wasn't-- I don't-- "

He stops and takes a breath, trying to steady himself.

"How're you feelin', really, 'bout last night?"

That's hopefully a good place to start, before he risks digging a hole for himself.

[justdidntseeit]

"No, sweetheart, don't -- "

Her hand tightens around his fingers and she props herself up on an elbow to study him in the shadows.

"I think we had a lot to drink," she says gently, a wry half-smile tugging at one corner of her mouth.

She sobers; her fingers leave his and her hand slides to his chest, palm resting flat.

"I've never, um, done anything like that before. But there were three of us making the decision we did, and it's not something I want you to feel like you have to apologize for or feel guilty about, okay?"

[wheelsy_sheriff]

Her smile enables him to find a small one of his own, and he takes in her words, nodding after she's spoken.

"I've uh, I've never... either. I just-- it's not somethin' I'd of done sober, so I feel like it was... not a mistake I guess, just-- "

His brows furrow and he works on putting together what he's trying to say. What happened was definitely spur of the moment, and things are awkward and kind of weird right now, but he doesn't necessarily regret it...

"I dunno... an accident? Kinda... "

[justdidntseeit]

"I think you're right."

Her cheeks are hot; she can still see the three of them in bed, this bed, with her hands and mouth on Beckett and Beckett on Bill's lap.

It's not something she regrets, but she doesn't want anyone to wind up hurt over what happened.

"It -- it was mutual, and we both -- "

Her cheeks flush even darker.

"We both care about Kate. I -- it didn't feel like cheating, did it? Because if it did -- god, I need to apologize to you, I -- "

[wheelsy_sheriff]

"No." He shakes his head, short and sharp. "I don't-- I was worried that you might, but I don't-- it was mutual, I think, we both-- I don't feel like you cheated."

He pictures Kate and Beckett together, Kate between Beckett's legs, and Beckett with her hand in his boxers.

He tries to keep his eyes on Kate, but they cut to the side for an instant and he hopes she doesn't notice in the dim light.

"I don't need an apology."

[justdidntseeit]

She sees his eyes dart away and her stomach knots.

"Are you -- you sure?"

[wheelsy_sheriff]

"Yeah."

He rolls from his back onto his side, looking at their hands.

"Did you want one?"

They were all a part of what happened last night, but he wants to be certain she's okay.

One reason is leftover guilt.

He almost ruined one relationship by cheating (and maybe he did, because it was after they had supposedly made up that Eva disappeared), he doesn't want that to happen with Kate.

[justdidntseeit]

"No."

She tips her head to kiss the corner of his mouth in reassurance, her nose brushing his when she pulls away to search his face.

"I helped encourage what happened," she says softly. "And I -- "

She licks her lips, another hot rush spreading under her skin.

"I haven't been able to stop thinking about it."

[wheelsy_sheriff]

The kiss loosens some of the tension inside and he meets her eyes again, giving her a small smile.

When she mentions thinking about what happened his eyes divert from hers, but this time it's because his features have suddenly become hot, and he shifts on the bed a bit with awkward embarrassment.

Working his throat in hesitation, he gives a barely there nod.

"Yeah, I-- I uh, keep thinkin' 'bout it, too."

[justdidntseeit]

"Hey."

Trying to catch his eyes, she lifts her hand to his face, fingertips running along his jaw.

"Why do I feel like you're waiting for me to yell at you, sheriff?"

[wheelsy_sheriff]

His jaw tilts up and he looks at her again.

"I'm not. Well, I dunno-- I guess I am, kind of, but only because I love you, an' I'm worried 'bout ruinin' this with you."

[justdidntseeit]

Her expression softens further.

"I love you, too."

She strokes his skin with the backs of her fingers.

"You're not ruining anything here, Bill. I don't -- "

She breathes a slight chuckle.

"I don't know how people usually deal with -- with situations like this, but we're talking, right? We're not doing so bad, are we?"

[wheelsy_sheriff]

"Yeah, yeah we are."

There's been so much they haven't been able to talk about, he's glad they are on this.

[justdidntseeit]

Her hand cups the side of his neck and she brushes her lips against his forehead.

"Since we're talking, then ... "

She pulls back, her thumb stroking the corner of his jaw while a dozen butterflies take wing in her stomach.

"How would you feel if I said that seeing you and Kate together -- "

Really turned me on.

"It was something we all wanted, and I -- I liked it?"

[wheelsy_sheriff]

A faint slow smile shows on his features, accompanied by another rush of heat beneath his skin.

"Y-- y'did?"

One hand reaches out to graze her arm settled on the bed, and he works his throat to get himself to reply.

"That's alright, I mean, I was-- you an her-- "

He shakes his head and lets out a breath of a chuckle.

"I feel better knowin' I wasn't the only one t'like what I saw."

[justdidntseeit]

Goosebumps rise under his fingers and she shivers a little.

"You weren't."

She shifts closer, her hair spilling over one shoulder when she moves.

"And you two -- it isn't something I want you to think I resent, okay? Kate's been so great, and we're both close to her. And she's gorgeous, and I -- I mean, I don't expect you not to be attracted to other women, sweetheart. I can't expect something like that."

Her thumb skims along his jaw to ghost against the corner of his mouth.

"Besides, I know how you feel about me."

[wheelsy_sheriff]

When she shifts closer he lifts his arm to settle his hand on her hip, and nods, what she's saying is something he needed to hear. It's amazing how understanding she is, and for the millionth time he's wondering how the hell he got so damn lucky.

"I'm glad y'know how I feel, Kate. There's lots of beautiful women out there, but I love you, an' I don't ever wanna do anything that's gonna change what we have."

[justdidntseeit]

"I know. I don't want to hurt you, either."

Warmth pools on her hip, and she presses into the welcome touch, grounding herself with him.

"But what about -- "

She bites her lower lip.

"What about what happened between Kate and me? How're you feeling about that?"

[wheelsy_sheriff]

He pauses a moment and thinks about her question and realizes that he's been so worried about how Kate might feel about his actions, he hasn't given much thought to a reaction to what she did (beyond being seriously turned on).

"I don't... I feel same as you, Kate," He says after a brief silence.

"It was something we all did together, an' I'm not gonna be jealous or mad over it."

It's nothing like what there was (is) between her and Doc. He knows, knows nothing happened, but where that bothered him, this doesn't, and he quickly shuts out those thoughts about Doc before they settle in again.

"I know how you feel 'bout me."

[justdidntseeit]

She breathes out, slow and silent, the last of the tightness behind her ribs dissolving; her lips curve into a tiny, grateful smile.

"Okay."

She dips her head to place another kiss on his forehead.

"Okay," she says again, against his hairline, breathing in the clean smell of shampoo and the soap he'd used in the shower earlier.

"And I've never -- "

She pulls back, a flush creeping into her cheeks as her eyes find his.

"I've never even kissed another woman before -- before last night. It's not something I thought I'd ever -- "

She's stumbling, not quite sure she's saying what she wants how she wants, but she's trying.

"But with Kate, it was -- I don't know, god, we were drunk, but ... it wasn't weird, it just -- it just happened."

She doesn't remember exactly how it started or who kissed whom, only that everything slid into place once they made it to the bedroom.

[wheelsy_sheriff]

He thinks he gets what she's trying to say, feeling much the same way himself.

"You know, I-- I've never, either. I mean, two women at once, I never even thought about-- "

That's a bit of a lie, Bill is a guy, but he never seriously thought about it.

"It just-- well, like you said, it just happened. An' I don't really feel bad or regret that it did."

He pulls back to glance at her, small uncertainty in his eyes, trying to see if it's all right.

[justdidntseeit]

"Good."

Her hand trails to her hip, fingers slipping over his and tracing his knuckles.

"We should probably try to talk to Kate about this a little more, though, right? I know it's kind of ... awkward, but I don't want her to feel like she did anything wrong, or, I don't know, manipulated or shut out, or ... "

She trails off, hoping Beckett's not wide awake down the hall with only regret for company.

[wheelsy_sheriff]

That he's a bit reluctant to agree to. He knows Kate is right, and hates to think that Beckett is upset, but it is awkward.

Talking with Kate is one thing, and even with her it's kind of hard, with Beckett it's much different. She's a friend, a good friend, and a collegue in the same line of work, but this isn't something he thought would ever come up. He's not prepared to talk about something like this with her, and is worried that if he does he might make it worse.

"Kate, what if I-- what if I go an' dig a hole for myself?"

He's sure she knows what he means, she's seen him do it often enough.