[[ wheelsy, south carolina ]]

[justdidntseeit]

[ "sex ain't about controllin' someone." ]

She shivers when Bill slips beneath the sheets again, her heart rate nearly back to normal as she fits herself along his side.

"Hey."

He wraps an arm around her and pulls her closer.

"Hey."

She pillows her head on his shoulder and closes her eyes, tracing an invisible line down his sweat-damp chest with one fingertip.

Concentrating on his closeness, she still can't quite force away a worry that's been building in the pit of her stomach since her talk with Doc a few hours ago.

"Can I ask you something?"

Comments

[wheelsy_sheriff]

Resting with one hand tucked behind his head he'd closed his eyes, focused on the slow trail of her finger along his skin. They open halfway at her question.

Giving her shoulder a squeeze he smiles.

"Sure."

[justdidntseeit]

She presses a kiss to his collarbone, hesitating.

"When I came back to the bar -- that first night, when you didn't know everything that happened, did you ... "

A breath.

"Did it feel like I was using you?"

[wheelsy_sheriff]

He's relaxed and content, thoughts drifting towards sleep and breakfast in the morning when her question catches him by surprise.

He lets out a short, uncertain laugh; not quite sure what she's really asking and not wanting to just assume.

"Why would-- what do you mean?"

[justdidntseeit]

"Because I didn't -- "

She lifts her head and licks her lips.

"I didn't tell you everything that night, before ... and then when you found out, did you feel like I'd manipulated you?"

The question tumbles out, stilted and clumsy, and she can barely hear her voice over the sound of her heart.

[wheelsy_sheriff]

"No, I-- "

He's still not quite sure what she's getting at but he shakes his head, trying to reassure her from whatever fear is worrying her.

"I understand how hard that was for you to talk about. I know now you left out details but, you didn't lie to me or nothin' like that."

[justdidntseeit]

"But I did. I lied by omission, and it wasn't fair to you."

She closes her eyes.

"I never meant to try and control this, or us, or you, and I -- "

She stops short and swallows hard.

"I'm sorry if I did."

[wheelsy_sheriff]

"But you didn't. I-- "

He pauses and now that his mind is on it he thinks about, still shaking his head.

"It never seemed to me like you were... an' if you weren't tryin' to it doesn't... "

He's never felt like she was trying to control or manipulate him, and it can't be just because he never noticed.

[justdidntseeit]

"No, I wasn't, I -- god, I'm saying this all wrong."

Her fingers curl into a fist against his chest.

"When I was in the bar for a little while tonight -- well, at the beach, talking to Doc -- and he was telling me about a run-in he had with a guy there, a Charlie Monroe. They'd gotten into an argument a few days ago; Charlie had said that sex was all about controlling the other person, and he laughed at Doc when Doc said that isn't how it should work, and I ... "

She takes in a breath and presses her lips together briefly.

"It made me wonder if I hurt you more than I realized in July."

[wheelsy_sheriff]

He listens to her explanation and frowns.

"Kate, that ain't... I've never felt like you were tryin' to get away with somethin' like that."

Bill's never met this guy, but if that's how the man thinks he already doesn't like him.

"When we-- " He pauses, trying to sort out what he wants to say.

"I know that there's times when things are just fallin' apart around us an' it gets so damn hard we sometimes seem to turn to sex to get away from whatever an' bring ourselves together, but it isn't about control, it's about love. At those crisis points I take comfort in it an' I... I hope you do, too."

[justdidntseeit]

'It's about love.'

She searches his face in the shadowed half-light, most of the tension draining from her muscles.

"I do."

Her nose brushes his, and she manages a small smile.

"I do."

[wheelsy_sheriff]

His head bows and his eyes close at the contact and he smiles.

"Okay then."

He turns his head just slightly to press his lips to her cheek, arm tightening around her in a hug.

"I know you'd never hurt me, Kate."

Not on purpose, and certainly not like Charlie suggested.

[justdidntseeit]

I never want to. You've been hurt enough.

She shifts even closer, draping a leg over his hip, her thigh sliding over his.

"It's because I like you too much."

[wheelsy_sheriff]

"Well, I'm very likable."

Smiling wider, he shifts to bring his other arm down and wraps it around her.

"An', just so's you know, I kinda like you, too."

[justdidntseeit]

"Mmm-hmm."

She tucks her head beneath his chin while her arm settles over his torso, her thumb brushing his ribs in a slow back-and-forth.

"I've noticed."

A beat.

"Only kind of?"

[wheelsy_sheriff]

"Kind of a lot."

He's focused on the slow movement of her thumb and murmurs a soft sound of approval.

"Nah, forget 'kind of', I love you an' you know it."

[justdidntseeit]

"Yeah, I do."

Her fingertips join the pad of her thumb, smoothing over his skin with a steady, featherlight touch.

"I love you, too."

[wheelsy_sheriff]

Her touch lulls him and he starts drifting towards the edge of sleep.

This conversation was unexpected, but he's glad that she seems okay after talking about it. A part of his mind wants to examine it more but he's going to let it go.

They're in a good place and he's going to try very hard not to spoil it.

Feeling content once more he grazes her temple with a soft kiss before taking a slow, deep breath and relaxing against the mattress.

[justdidntseeit]

Smiling at the brush of his lips, she closes her eyes but doesn't let her hand still on his ribs. The sound of his heartbeat helps calm the guilt and regret still snaking through her thoughts.

I'll never know how I got this lucky.

Stifling a yawn, her hand slows but doesn't stop; she wants to hang on to this moment -- the warmth of Bill's body against hers, the slow rise and fall of his chest, the feel of his arms around her -- for as long as consciousness allows.