[[ milli!fic: where the light is ]]

[justdidntseeit]

title: where the light is
author: wordsthatfail
rating: hard r for adult content
characters: kate warner (24), bill pardy (SLiTHER)
a/n: set two days after bat's holding on; title taken from john mayer's "gravity."


She isn't asleep.

(She doesn't need to sleep, now that she's dead, but it's a habit -- a comfort -- that she can't break. Like breathing.)

Bill's words are the same they've been for the past two nights: a desperate prayer.

"If you go, Kate, I want you to know that I'm sorry."

And like the last two nights, her head is tucked beneath his chin and he's stroking her hair, holding her close to his chest (closer than she thought possible).

"I'm so damn sorry, an' I -- "

"Bill."

His hand falls to the spot between her shoulder blades; when she lifts her head, she thinks he looks almost afraid, his features lit by the silver sliver of moonlight slanting through the curtains across the room.

"Stop apologizing."

"But -- "

She shakes her head, her hair spilling over her shoulder and brushing his bare chest.

"This wasn't your fault."

"Kate -- "

"It wasn't your fault."

Her lips find his and his breath shudders.

"It was -- "

Her palm cups the side of his neck and she strokes his jaw with her thumb.

"No." Her mouth falls to his chin, then his Adam's apple. "It wasn't."

His hand splays wide against her back before his fingers fist into the thin cotton of her camisole.

"But I -- "

She pulls back just enough to look at him again.

"No." She eases onto her back, encouraging Bill to roll with her, so he's propped on one elbow beside her. "It wasn't your fault."

Her movements are slow and deliberate as she guides his free hand down her torso and beneath the hem of her tank, then higher on her stomach.

(The skin is smooth, unmarred -- there's only a small hollow where the bullet entered her body.)

"Kate -- "

His voice cracks and her fingers tighten around his.

"Just touch me."

She hears his breath hitch before he speaks.

"I can't -- "

"You can."

"I shouldn't -- "

She leads his hand higher, past the barely noticeable dip on her midsection two inches above her navel.

"Kate -- "

Arching, she lifts her lips to his, swallowing his protest while she coaxes his fingertips to the underside of one breast.

"Kate -- "

Her name is half a groan as his hand slides up, palm covering her hardening nipple.

She takes in a shaky breath, forcing her eyes to stay open.

"I'm right here."

His head dips, and she isn't sure if he's agreeing with her, or if he's still convinced this is all an elaborate hallucination.

She says his name once, twice, then, "I love you."

He tenses, eyes wide as he draws back to look at her; she squeezes his wrist in silent reassurance.

"I never got to -- "

"I know."

(He told her once before the shooting, even if he doesn't remember.)

She smiles and fits herself closer to him, guiding his hand to the drawstring on her pajama pants. She sees his eyes slip shut before he rests his forehead against hers.

"Kate ... "

His fingers dip below her waistband and her stomach jumps. He teases her, the pads of his fingers ghosting over the lace of her underwear until they're both breathing hard. She can feel his erection pressing against her hip through his sweats, and she rubs her body against him.

With a low, broken sound, his tongue traces the seam of her lips and she opens her mouth, hips lifting when he circles her clit.

"Bill, please ... "

She shifts again, the small movement causing his breath to snag.

"Christ, you know I can't say no to you.”

She moans around his tongue when he eases a finger into her slick, tight heat; it's not long until a second joins the first, and she bucks against his hand, muscles taut and teeth tugging at his lower lip.

Two fingertips find her clit again, and it's all she can do to breathe his name. His voice is in her ear, close and rough and begging her to come, and she loses herself in want and need and this and now; pleasure rushes through her when the tension finally breaks inside her.

"You haven't lost your touch, sheriff."

His quiet chuckle is ragged at the edges, probably from disuse, but she doesn't let herself analyze why as she straddles him.

His hands curl around her hips while she bends to kiss him.

"Kate -- "

She doesn't let him say anything more, in case it's going to be something neither of them wants to hear.

His fingers tighten on her skin, and her lips curve into a smile at his earlobe as his hips arch.

"Kate -- "

She turns her head to meet his mouth with hers again, and his palms wander beneath her shirt without further prompt.

(It's another start.)